Can love overcome religious differences in marriage?
Matters of the heart, they say, do not involve social and religious issues. What really matters in marriage is that two people come together as one, doing every thing in common in love and understanding. Before a man marries a woman, he puts so many things into consideration.

Can love overcome religious differences in marriage?

By Davisca Nnamani,

Special Correspondent

Matters of the heart, they say, do not involve social and religious issues. What really matters in marriage is that two people come together as one, doing every thing in common in love and understanding. Before a man marries a woman, he puts so many things into consideration. And religion is one of them. Akintunde of the National Eye Clinic, Kaduna, says his marriage to a Christian lady ended about three months ago, because she refused to let him be. “Jane knew right from the beginning that I was a Muslim.

Though both our parents kicked against the idea, we still went ahead to settle down together.  But after we have been blessed with an issue, she comes disturbing me to change to Christianity. I am not saying the religion is not good, but I have preference for my own, and I respect hers.”

Big deal

Christianity and Islam are the two predominant religions in Nigeria. Dolapo Adeniyi says “there is no big deal in marrying a Christian. After all, we can be boyfriends and girlfriends, why not marriage? It may be that our parents will object to it, but what matters is the man and I. If he allows me to practise my religion, no problem.”

If the couple can cope, what happens to the unborn children? Won’t there be confusion among them? Marriage is supposed to be a form of unity, everyone doing and practising the same thing. “It is obvious they will practise my religion as the man of the house,” says Rabiu Ismaila. In most homes where inter religious marriages exist, the children are always found practising the mother’s religion. Is it due to affection or maternal bond between mother and child? Abdulkareem Musa says he has been married to Atinuke, a Christian, for 19 years and all has been well with them. In his own words: “My wife and I have been living together without any hassles. Though we have misunderstanding now and then as a couple, we still get by. As for our four children, I gave them the freedom to  practise any religion they like.”

Understanding

But Chukwudi Emeka has a different view. “Marriage is forever. Why on earth should I leave my fellow Igbo sister and settle for someone who does not know what is happening in my religion? Never!” But is it religion that counts or mutual understanding between intending couples? During the 1999 riots in Kaduna, it was said that most Christians killed did not die because there was no love, but due largely to lack of understanding. Some Muslims were alleged to have surrendered their wives to be killed. There is a possibility of love lacking in such union. Uche Nwankwo believes “there is nothing wrong in marrying a Muslim. It brings about understanding and religious unity. You know what kills a man is what he does not know. If I get to learn the doctrine of the religion, there is nothing preventing me from settling down with a Muslim lady.”

Religion is a very sensitive issue and when it involves bringing two people together, a lot of care has to be taken. “For me, my parents disowned me because my husband-to-be is Christian. I wanted to go back to them, but the love I have for my husband won the battle for me. Today, by the special grace of God, I am a Muslim and so are my children,” says Uche Nwankwo.

Wealth

There are many prominent men in this country who married Christian ladies and the marriages still exist today. “It was wealth those women saw. If the men were poor, nothing would have attracted these ladies to them,” Ajayi Ajua says. What has marriage and religion in common? “A lot,” says Osagie Efosa. “If a poor Muslim who sells groundnut by the roadside decides to marry a Christian lady, I bet she will object without looking back. It is surprising that such things still exist. We want a one Nigeria and for that to become a reality, we must shake off that intrinsic barrier of segregation.”

Background

Charity and Usman have been dating for seven years. They did not consider their backgrounds, all they wanted was to be joined as man and wife. When eventually they did, their sweet love became bitter. Usman wanted  his children to practise  Islam, while charity wanted Christianity. They dragged this for years until Charity couldn’t take anymore, she moved out. The once upon a time love song ended with a dirge. If only Nigerians embrace one another as one just like we sing in our national anthem:  “One Nation Bound in Freedom”– Freedom to live and marry either Muslim or Christian without any fear or prejudice – this country would have had its name in the Guinness Book of Records as the most peaceful, non- violent nation in the world.

Rev Moses Aguda accepts that marriage is good, but that it is better if the two practised the same religion. “I am not condemning inter-religious marriage, but in a situation where the two are not well accosted with one another’s beliefs, you find the woman, in most cases, subjecting herself to the man’s religion.”

Children

There are homes where the parents have different beliefs and you find their children in between – some Muslims, others Christians. The surprising thing is that there is peace in such homes. Chinyere Akosa confesses that “marriage is not easy anywhere. Whether Islam, Christianity, it is all the same. The only difference is that it involves two people coming together with separate religious background and reasoning. And it might lead to complications that would have been avoided if they came from the same religious background”.

Life on earth would have been better if we could see beyond ourselves. Whether Muslim or Christian, we are the same when it comes to matters of the heart. Love, the four-letter word, overcomes all things.